TheGrayson

Well guys, it's me. I'm back once again, and scenarios have been shifting. I've had such an interesting time, I went back and read ALL of my journals that I have posted on here, all of them. They're ridiculously long, but my God they hold so much information about my life and mindset. It's been just... mind blowingly interesting to watch this all untold, it's like some really strange story.

I must say that along this two year log of my life, I have learned a lot about myself, and that well... this has been a fascinating story of love, heartbreak, frustration, happiness, humor, sobriety, and the like. All along hearing from you all, and hearing your input. I admit that I love hearing what you have to say, and it pains me to think that I may have lost some of you in my absence, but I hope and count on hearing from you all again.

This site has really been a great place for me, I can post my art, view other's art, and on the sidelines talk to people from across the world and hear their thoughts on matters that don't really go too far out of this county for that matter. It has been an amazing way of expanding my borders and learning a lot more about the world condition and the thoughts of you all across nations and continents.

I have talked to people from everywhere from California, to Japan, to South America, to Australia,  all throughout Europe, and just about everywhere that I can possibly think of except for Antarctica and Mars. I would really like to meet someone from Antarctica... that would be rather interesting, and from Mars...well...Marvin the Martian is the closest I'm getting there.

I feel very enlightened as of now...

For my entire life, since I was roughly... say, three years old, all spawning from a dream, I have thought of life as a dense and complex labyrinth, one you couldn't cheat, one without hints, one without discrimination.

I feel as though I have made it this far, and by looking back at what I have written... I have been lifted above the labyrinth so that I may look back at my tracks, and view paths that I have gone down... and sadly view the dead ends that I had met, and the paths I could've taken to quicken my arrival at the ending destination... or at least compensate for the dead ends and wrong paths I had encountered and had gone down.

I assume I best tell you what this dream was, I was very young, no older than three or four years old, presumingly three years old judging by the vague memories that came before and after this dream. At this time, as I had previously said, I had been no older than four, no younger than three.

My family had taken a trip to a museum, I was too young to even begin to comprehend what lay around me, especially seeing as I remember resting in a stroller, looking at exhibits to my left and right, my vision blurred as somniferous waves of content washed in and out of the shore of my consciousness.

I vaguely remember seeing what looked to be an airplane, an older one, the museum was nothing extravagant. I remember turning my head to my right, what I saw, I don't remember, but I remember myself being pulled into a slumber under the talking of the adults over me. Speaking of nothing but mild annoyances of family affairs.

As I slept, I dreamed of nothing for what seemed to be a fair amount of time, though not too long, then every changed in an instant, not a harsh heart-stopping instant, but it was pleasant, calm, not harsh in the least. I stood in a labyrinth.
The walls were high, very high, and sort of intimidating, though passively. They were made of stone, seamless, semi-smooth, everything had a faint yellow tinge. The walls were thick, they made it clear wordlessly that you couldn't cheat your way out of it, you couldn't get through them, and you certainly couldn't get over them.

I have no idea how I knew that I was in a labyrinth, and I know that at that age I had no idea what one even was.

The ground was a flat smooth stone as well, no luster to any of it, the skies above the walls were cloudy, golden clouds, chaotic and constantly moving in events seemingly all involved within themselves.

I began walking, clear minded, not optimistic, nor pessimistic. It was like I didn't know what to expect, but not negatively, nor was I excited either. I went on through this maze. I walked on and on, and as I went through it, dead ends went from feeling nothing to a harsh feeling of... well... defeat, and would chip away at the newly formed hope within me.

I progressed, further I walked within this labyrinth, the more confident I grew, and as I would come across a dead end, it would smash me harder and harder every time. I went on until a point that I had lost hope, forced humility and crushing defeat weighing on my shoulders. Hopelessness became my mindset... as I listlessly walked down each twisted hall of the labyrinth.

I continued, though hopelessly, until my line of sight fell from first person, and to third, over the labyrinth, though not revealing anything, it flew backwards and gazed downwards as I walked along a wall, a wall where two paths met at its end. I saw someone else on the opposing side of the wall, a girl, I hadn't ever seen anyone else in this maze before, only myself and barren hallways.

She had been in the same state I had been in. When we had met at the end, everything was perfect. We continued on in this vast maze together. Every time we would come across a dead end, we would care less and less... all because we had each other. Until it got to a point that we just didn't care about the labyrinth anymore.

All was proceeding as usual until we came across the end of the labyrinth. It wasn't on the other side though, it was in the center of the labyrinth itself. There was a face on a wall, like a bust, made of stone... didn't say anything, didn't move, but a light shown from its eyes... a bright light... not harsh to the eyes... but it grew... poured from the eyes of the statue. We looked onwards up into the state... a strong bold face... as it grew we grasped each other's hands...and the light consumed us. It wasn't harsh... nor did it seem to be an ending of demise... it felt... infinite, for... lack of a better word.

Needless to say... after that I had awoken. My little mind didn't know what to think of this, needless to say... my memory of that time is faded and blurred, but that... that is clear, I am seventeen now, and next thing I know I'll be eighteen. The dream was so vivid and real, the textures of the walls, the swirling clouds, everything... right to the end.

This dream thought me a lot about the grand scheme of life... whatever induced it, life will happen to matter what, and no matter what you do... it will all end up as intended. It pains me to think that I have been no different than any other from the cradle up. We all are incredibly arrogant, wanting to think we are so diverse and different from the rest over such trivial things... tiny things that we will kill over.

Even in that dream... she wasn't gifted to me, and I wasn't gifted to her, we were gifted to each other. When over such a vast maze, the two of us somehow met. I do not know who she is... though I hope I will find out soon... times are beginning to get to be harder... but the point is, I am not special, nor was she, it was a mutual gift, not biased towards either one, just as this Earth was gifted to us to live on, not for one, but for us all, mutual, not biased.

As of now, I feel as though I have been gifted the ability to gaze back at my... mistakes... and though the few, achievements. It sort of disturbs me that I have gone this far, and pursued so much, to gain so little out of everything that I have gone after for this long.

It makes me chuckle to look back at my subtle references to a certain clever "friend" of mine, whose name I scarcely mention... and watch as my remarks and allusions to grow fonder and fonder towards them, like a rollercoaster slowly cranking its way to the top of a large hill, except... on the other side... is a waterfall... with large sharp rocks at the bottom.

Little had I known that this person had read them.... the remarks on my brief descent to the rocks below putting the nail in the coffin on what I had worked for. It has been a little over a year since I we had met face to face for the first time, and I have gotten no further, almost seems as though the tides have been turned completely.

Many things have changed... my mouth silenced by my nerves, no longer is the case. The simplicity and cleanliness that I had intended have been foiled and soiled by complications and complexities.

Someone whom I had held so close, someone whom I had seldom let slip into my literature, someone whom I had let influence me to create the finest of my art, someone whom I have trusted with my Achilles Heel and my Silver Bullet, someone whom I have admired for the longest time, so subtle, and yet so influential, someone whom I have considered my perfect paradox for success.

Almost like that of ink bleeding onto the other side of the paper... the pen being thrusted through in frustration via incident.

Bringing together and tying the loose ends of subtle references throughout my Journals on here into a short article dedicated to the anonymous specter whom I subtly and seldomly reference to. Perhaps just me paying tribute to this person for all their worth, the person whom I consider a swan in a field of crows, and a sort of thank you at the same time, and a sort of chuckle at past frustrations.

Oh humility, how cruelly it can be inflicted. I'm not an ex-football star, I can't bench press a car, I don't have degrees from Harvard or Yale, I didn't design the Sears Tower, and I don't make two grand an hour, I don't cook the world's best duck flambe, and I'm certainly not chiseled from stone... who am I kidding, I've held myself high, perhaps a little too high... hearts of gold get you as far as a pocket full of soot with the mentality of people today... it's all looks and titles... love the mask, don't care to know what's underneath.

Needless to say... things haven't been so great lately, trying to find the humor and glory in the past, though I have no right no live it in, just wanting an escape from everything right now. I've dug my grave... feel like it's time to rot away. I've been thinking a lot, and when I think it's never good, I usually like to keep myself distracted, but sadly... distractions will only get me so far before memories fade and reality stands firm for me to face. Needless to say, I'm sick of me, myself, and I.

Not exactly sure what I planned to write now... and I'm certain that if I remembered...knew...or cared...basically felt like it, I could continue on, and make this infinitely longer, but nevertheless, this is what it is... incomplete and mottled... devoid of meaning... or meaning hidden away at least.

Let me tell you of my week. This week really flew by, especially because I haven't been paying the least bit of attention to the actual days of the week. I met a girl, and things were going rather well, quite keen in fact. It was the perfect innocent relationship, kind of, until we got alone, or semi-alone...but for the most part she was a sweet girl I would never have expected the worst out of. I mean, it was great, my idea of an ideal relationship.

Everything was cool, she went on a band trip, and this may throw up a million red flags for some of you out there, but she did nothing bad on the band trip. She missed me while she was on said band trip. Then when she gets back, has a bad asthma attack and I didn't hear from her that day...well until later that day. She wasn't acting right. I figured she wasn't feeling well, understandable, but I had this nagging feeling in the back of my mind as to what happened.

I was worried, discussed it with my friends, they said I was being paranoid. I learned of the asthma attack and I felt like a douchebag because I blamed everything on it. Monday morning I text her and ask what's up because usually she was very lovey and she was...just different. Man, so I'm sitting there early in the morning, happy to be talking to her, and then hearing that her ex, whom lives two hours away, essentially a long distance relationship, called her, and she chucked me to the wind and was with him...sort of.

So I ask questions and out of that discussion she said to him “We would be happy just as friends.” and that irked, I hate it whenever people speak for me, especially in this case. Honestly no, I wasn't happy as friends, how dare you speak for me just to get your own selfish goals. We all have something that bothers us, hers is being doubted, mine is people speaking for me and essentially putting words in my mouth.

My opinions and beliefs are dogmatic, I hold to them, so if someone says I said this or think this and that is the entire opposite of what I think, that seriously bothers me. This plus a relationship plus the thing I hate to happen the most in a relationship was just bad. I also hate being replaced, and with all of this, I was utterly understated and pushed under and behind for another.

If you pay attention you'll learn that I like respect. I am a person, I demand a sense of value, and respect. As should everyone for that matter. Call it arrogance or call it self-being. I think people could benefit from this mentality. Now days people are mindless and go with trends, and people play each other and think narcissisticly and treat others as items. I'm not telling everyone to be narcissistic, but I'm telling everyone to have a sense of individually and self-being, don't let yourself become an item.

You're a person and not an item, I treat everybody, except a select few, with this mentality, I treat everyone as a person and not an item. The people who I don't are those who are just disgraceful, one of which is a kid who copies me and hates me, I've been over this in a previous journal. He is no real person in himself, too insecure to be himself, whatever that may be, so he tries to become me, hates me, and is a subject of pure irony. Because of this, he is scum. I am certain that we all know someone like this.

This may seem very off topic, or as though I went off from that and onto this, but it'll make sense here in a moment.

She continued on and on about all this, I was staring at the phone with a series of mixed reactions such as “Really?”, “What the Fuck!”, and “This is bullshit.” Sitting there, frustrated, sickly amused, and utterly... surprised. To me it was the perfect defeat. She had single handedly found the things I hate the most and put them upon me.

So I sat on my bed, after that conversation, in a state of awe. Not a good awe either, an awe comprised of shock, and just... like having a sword held to your throat. I sat there against the headboard of the bed, silently, I looked from the phone to the ceiling, let out a sigh. My dog, Mowgli, looked at me, knew something was wrong and left the room. I then sat in silence, grasping this... curve ball, and then yelled “Son of a Bitch!”

If anyone didn't know any better as to the situation, they would be left to assume that I had turrets. Honestly, I reminded myself of a cross between Dean Winchester and the Turrets Guy.

The entire day I looked pissed, and depressed, no one would come anywhere close to me. I slept through all of my classes and a teacher would dare not say a thing. One person said something to me and it was “You look depressed and miserable...why?” I didn't reply, I went back to sleep. The annoying kid who hates me had the terrified look on his face all day, he looked as though he expected me to attack and rip him limb from limb, he doesn't have the bravery to confront me directly, and so isn't worthy of my direct attention either...which is what he craves.

I texted her afterschool and told her how I felt and she said “You don't want to hang out unless we do stuff, how do you think I feel.” She said she wanted to be friends, just like what it was without the... interactions, and kissing, and whatnot. This irked me as well, how she could decimate what we had so simply after so many passionate romantic... encounters. This then pissed me off because well... as you read above, I believe in people as people, and not objects. She tried to say I only wanted her for sex...things of the sort...saying that I used her in some twisted sense...which I didn't by any means...it bugs the shit out of me what she'd think that.

I am not the common person. I am not the average guy. I do not think like you, I do not use people for sex. First and foremost I do not care that much about sex. I treat sex like the “Fine Wine” philosophy. You don't crave fine wine, but you will take if offered. Kind of hard to say no whenever she pulls you on top of her, or gets on top of you. With this philosophy, I just made the male portion of humanity look like alcoholics.

(Nor do I take so much as is offered so I am drunk off of it.)

She further attacked my thoughts on Human Idealism indirectly and unintentionally, needless to say, I was pretty well done with her. A part of me does still care for her...a lot for that matter. She is not an object, if she were she'd be more valuable than gold, but in reality, a person, as is everyone...as previously explained...not an item, a person.

I was sort of glad it ended to be honest with you, whenever I got together with this girl, I was virtually attacked by at least four or five women who were disgusted with me that I did not choose them. I quickly started ignoring them for the time being so tensions didn't build to the point they'd end up attacking the poor girl. More came out of the woodwork later, people whom I barely knew or talked to, it was awkward for me, I never knew that I was so... desired.

Amongst this chaos I learned something though, and that was my dearest friend Paula, whom I refer to frequently in these journals, had liked me for...ages. I fell for her the first time I talked to her. She is to me what Irene Adler is to Sherlock Holmes. “She's the only person ever to fool you … twice.” said Watson to Sherlock referring to Irene.
Paula is the only person who can read me, figure me out, and then turn me into a paper airplane...so to speak. Brilliant and ingenious... not to mention as beautiful as she is intelligent. A more accurate comparison would be...say...she is as intelligent and beautiful as she is self conscious...and thus indicating that she is a goddess without further to say on that.

Sadly, her being my best friend, and most trusted and revered person I know, and will ever know for that matter I told her the affairs that took place in the relationship, which made her feel like shit and question herself which in turn made me feel even worse. “We've been alone before for hours and nothing happened...” which reminded me of something I saw out of one of Martin Billany's parodies of someone saying in the strangest voice “What!? You want me to do you too!?” Which I...obviously...didn't say, that would've been...just plain weird.

Out of all of the girls I've been with she is the only one whom I don't know how to approach...at all. We like each other, we both know it, can't decide whether to be friends or go further...at different times leaning more towards one option than another. Out of one clusterfuck and into another.

Needless to say, this has absorbed all of my thoughts. Last I heard the ex was slutting herself out and whoring up to some other guy...so obviously, that isn't going to far. At least she was a virgin when I got to her...may have gotten something had I came along any later. That sounded sick and cynical, but...err...nevermind, I'm not going to get into that.

Now I'm stuck with...should I risk this and go a step farther and make a relationship with the only person whom I know can understand me as I can her, and potentially have it fall apart and ruin everything we have established now, or just stay friends with this stability but with the nagging thoughts of “what if?” looming in the back of our minds?

Opposed to anyone else, if something were to happen, I'm confident that we'd still be friends. Things have come between us before and we're still friends now...well feelings have never changed.

She's without a doubt one of the most influential people I've ever met and have had the honor of having in my life. I guess the only reason I went with the other girl was because...I just didn't know how to approach her...or do anything for that matter. The one girl whom I care for the most is the one who can reduce me to a blabbering idiot. Without her I'd go insane, my oasis in this desert so to speak.

I'm glad that it happened...it put some things out into the open for me, and perhaps put me on the right track.

The Little Things

You know those little things in life? Those little things, not the big things, just those little things in life. You know, the things that don't really matter, the little ironies, the funny things. Many people don't pay attention to them, but as someone who thinks a lot...and has very little to do, well, it's good to sit back and think about "just the little things."

We usually sit and think about "The Big Things", all of us do, lawyers, IT experts, hair dressers, models, hookers, what these "Big Things" are obviously vary.  During the day I sit and think about the "Big Things." "Damn, that big test is coming up.", "I should get a damn job for all this is worth.", and "Why the fuck didn't that dumbass set my computer up all of the way, asshole."

Lets take some examples. I spent $135 on a Nvidia Graphics Card for my computer, because Ati is no better than a integrated Intel graphic chipset. Worse Actually, So my best friend who I've known since Elementary was like "yeah man I'll switch the cases out and it'll fit in the computer and all's good." I replied "Fuckin' right!" So he goes about fixing it, I'm amped, turns out the side fan doesn't work, planned on replacing it, alright cool, no biggie. I plug in my iPhone to charge on the front USB ports, they're not working. Then I contact him and I'm like "Dude, what's going on?" he replies "Not wired right, might need a longer wire. By the way, don't blame me if your graphics card stops working," in shock, I reply "Why the fuck would it stop working?" "Overheating, you know." "Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" "I don't know." At that point, I'm a little...irked and feel like yelling "Does the Grayson need to choke a bitch?"

I take it that all went right over your head. It's like saying "Dude, my car's fucked." then your friend walks up and says "No worries bud, I'll fix it up for ya!" you're pretty damn happy. You get your car back, and it's workin' great, better than it did. You're driving around and your buddy calls you up and says "Don't blame me if your car explodes." Then your euphoric happiness is bent over and sodomized with a hardback copy of any granted Stephen King book. Why Stephen King? I don't rightfully know, but it's not like it makes anymore sense than anything going on in this situation.

So now you sit there, you drive down the street feeling like your automobile is a Muslim Extremist with Turrets. It could just blow up at any given moment. So, instead of driving your own car, you borrow your sisters run down not-so-great car. In the reality of this situation, it's me being stuck using a tiny netbook opposed to a desktop with a lovely 23 inch HD display, but so this doesn't fly over your head in nerdom, I'll keep it with cars. In car terms, it's like... owning a Muscle Car, but because it might randomly explode on you, you're stuck driving a Dodge Neon.

When it comes to the life of a nerd, a computer is a big deal. It is as an important as a car* to a normal person. In my case where I fix computers... you know, it's kind of a big deal to have a computer of my own, and not be stuck with a dinky little netbook that makes a calculator look high tech, or makes a Mac look like an actual computer...ok maybe it's not that bad.

*I would like to denounce the thought that I'm that bad of a nerd, I wasn't speaking of myself, but of other nerds, I really like my car.

I think that vein in my forehead is popping out now, I think my eye is twitching now. That is a "Big Thing." The little things however, are things such as... my father's snoring. My friends whenever they stay over find it to be the most amusing thing ever. They almost have it down to a science, with such odd facts like "it sounds different every night!" and "He sounds like a dying Bull Dog!"

The little things are like whenever I'm sitting on my computer listening to music, talking to friends, and  reading and my father pops his head in the door and says "Mind turning it down a little?" then in about fifteen minutes he's snoring twice as loud as my music was playing. David Bowie, Gary Numan, and Trent Reznor are offended. Not really, I don't think they'd honestly care.

Basically, I turn down my music for fifteen minutes, then it's back up, then I realize my music is battling for the presence of sound with a dying Walrus. Then I plug in the earphones to the computer tower, and it doesn't work, wait, that's right, that's part of the front USB things. You know who you are, and I am giving you an evil glare. Anyway, I switch to the tiny dinky netbook and listen to my music on there, which surprising isn't that bad. In quality terms that is, otherwise the "working" factor is a great thing as well.

I honestly don't know why I'm writing about the little things. It's old an saying "Enjoy the Little Things" and so I try to, I guess I try to find the humor between the big events hidden in the smaller events. Lightens the overall mood of things, maybe all of the little things can make the world on my back feel perhaps...a little lighter.

The little things that make my day brighter are the ironies, like this one kid who apparently has a problem with me for some unexplained reason. In the hallways he once said "...and there's that cross dresser." I've never wore anything of a woman's, the craziest thing I've ever wore would be the Mad Hatter outfit. The irony is, he's the kid who wares eyeliner. The kid makes my day with his comments, it disappoints me whenever it's staring off into space and doesn't give me his daily comment.

The kid used to worship me, and he still does, in terms of continually copying me and failing at it each time. He hates me, and yet he still wants to be me, he's like some sort of self-loathing Christian, and I am in no way saying that I am God with this statement. It's a dogmatic comparison, beliefs, not the belief itself, anyway. Christians aim to be like Christ, but obviously fail at it.

"I like your Christ, but I do not like your Christians, for they are so unlike your Christ." -Gandhi

Needless to say, his insecurity and blind resentment are some of the little perks of my school day. Sometimes whenever I'm alone with him in a place or inches away from him, I like to stare at him like Trent Reznor was staring at David Bowie in their music video for "I'm Afraid of Americans." So it's that deathly "I'm seriously going to fuck your shit up glare." He reminds me of my mom's poodle whenever I do that, I'm half tempted to lunge at him and see if he shits himself.

That wouldn't make me a good person though, would it? It would be hilarious though.

Another one of these perks would be this one girl who is pretty well bipolar whenever it comes to me. Most of the time, whenever she sees me she's like "You're pathetic." and "I don't know why you act so arrogant." Then in other cases she says "I would tell you that that's nice, but it might make your ego get even bigger." or my favorite "You have a huge ego, but it's as fragile as glass." My only response is "I'm not arrogant, I can just read you like a book." Then after decades of worn out comments on my apparently large ego, the irony strikes.

She, after screwing over my best friend, and after using me as a stepping stone to get to him, goes and dates a guy who's ego is through the roof. He's one of the worst kinds of arrogant, beside the blatantly obvious arrogant person. He's the kind of guy who's incredibly conceited, but acts like he isn't, though it's seeping out everywhere, and hence why I honestly can't stand him. I don't talk to him, though I do try to be nice, he once said "Yeah, do your work, Graysooon!"

I was half tempted to throw a rock at his glass house and simply inform him that all he does is sit in the back room and draw pictures of Jesus.
Then I could also go on a rant about how they're inaccurate because Jesus did not bare any Anglo-Saxon properties.

Even his own sister hates him because of it, and when your head is shoved that far up your own ass you can tell if you have Colan Cancer or not, there's a problem...I mean, if your own siblings don't like you in the least because of it, yeah, there's a problem. I would also like to stop and say sorry to anyone whom I may have offended, suck it up, no one gets along in this world, look from outside of your tiny little box, etc, etc.

People call me an asshole a lot for being bluntly honest, but the blunt truth, is not a pretty thing. If you haven't watched it yet, watch "The Invention of Lying", watch it, you'll get the jest. I'm much like that, but more classy with the wording, like writing hate mail in cursive, it's beautiful, but foul. Wiping your ass with silk more appropriately.

"Well dude, what do you think?" "You're being awfully obsessive, and at this rate, once the cutesy-phase is over, she'll be creeped out, and she'll high-tale it the other way, I give it about a month." and his response "Dude! Fuck you!" For the record, I was completely right, right down to the tiniest detail. It was a month on the dot, and for the exact reason even.

I have an uncanny talent when it comes to predicting the deaths of relationships, or at least how they will play out. Which brings me to my next "little thing", which is simply, relationships.

I've always watched people as I sat silently in the classroom, and over time I have become rather empathic, and I have an understanding of human nature, and how one another will react via their personality expressed through everything they do.

Empathy and Xenophobia are two things, that people clusterfuck with. Empathy is making an assumption (in this case) on someone via characteristics with body language, etc. Xenophobia is looking at a strange and assuming he's this or that because of a characteristic.

Lets take me for example. I am "selectively silent." To the average person I don't know, or don't give a shit for, I am silent, yet kind. I usually dress in classy darker attire. To an empathic person, I would be an intelligent person who dresses nicely, but not brightly. I don't like bright colors, and I think of dark colors as being more professional. Now, whereas someone who is xenophobic, like the vast majority of people around here, I am silent, because I am plotting something, and I wear dark clothes, because I am evil, and I dress nicely because I am evil and intelligent, and so obviously, in their words "He's going to murder everybody!" or "He's obviously the antichrist!"

I am a Christian, I am a pacifist furthermore, and that kills 90% of all misconceptions of me right there.

Now, with that explained, I am not an asshole. This brings me to another friend of mine, whom I commonly refer to in my journals because she is an intelligent young lady whom I enjoy talking to, for the most part. I am not going to go into details but she dated a jock, I told her what would happen, she didn't pay it any mind, and I was dead right in the end. I will quote her on saying "...he was nice at first...but there was like a transformation, like Anakin to Vader." and then I was tempted to say "...you just made a Star Wars reference...and you dated a jock..." that was pretty much asking for the obvious in my opinion. Nerd + Jock = No.

That whole situation made as much sense as Benjamin Kowalewicz/Billy Talents' odd fetish for synthesized screaming. Their music isn't bad, but what's up with the synthesized screaming in every song? It's odd, and not really necessary.

...and then my ego grew 5 times that day.

I best not talk of my relationships, they've all been honestly a bag of shit. If I had some clarity amongst the euphoric state of being "in love" I am certain I could've made better decisions, I guess it's my fortune that I rarely fall "in love." I don't really believe that falling for someone should be called falling "in love" just doesn't seem fitting.

In clarity, I could only see myself having a successful relationship with one person, but this is with clarity, and in the situation I am in, is a mess beyond belief, so may I quote my brother in saying "Fuck that shit, I'm out."

This has really strayed away from the "Little Things" and just into whatever. Whatever the case, this is better than the previous "Einstein's Relatives."

Expect this to be filled with typos, I'm half awake, and it's the middle of the night, at this point, I honestly don't care.